SANTOSH SONARE's Profile3034 Members viewed this Profile

Last Seen on : 29-Jun-2016
Member Since : 15-Jul-2015
Welcome to my profile page. I'm SANTOSH SONARE From Nagpur, India. Currently I'm doing my job. Along with that i'm also using all the services of Uminto.com in my free time and its awesome. There are so many things to learn in Uminto.com. My area of Specialization is Other. I used to play games and hourly quizzes daily on Uminto.com.
Basic Information:
Date of Birth : Wednesday, May 4, 1977 (38 Years)
Gender : Male
Contact Information:
Mobile Number : 98######15
Email Address : sa•••••••••••@•••••••.com
Location : Nagpur, India
Pincode : 440001

Uminto Activities of SANTOSH SONARE

Credited Rewards : 80453
Debited Rewards : 72800
Current Rewards : 7653
Quiz Played : 236
Quiz Score : 41870
Movie Review Posted : 24
Jupiter Money Level : 2
Jupiter Money Score : 685
Umnito Flip Level: 1
Umnito Flip Score : 5

Photos of SANTOSH SONARE

Movie Reviews Posted By Santosh Sonare

Bajirao Mastani
(According to Santosh Sonare Bajirao Mastani is a 3 star movie)
once again a periodicaly film is in front of public. little ago bahubali make dhoom. this film also has the impact of that film. moreover this is sanjay lila bansali's film which make and vast canvas. but the film did not impressed. the acting of dipila and randhir are good but both couldn't attract because their otside kemio image.
View all reviews on Bajirao Mastani

Review Posted on : 21 Dec 2015
Dilwale
(According to Santosh Sonare Dilwale is a 2 star movie)
this is shahrukh khan and kajol's comeback film. and the film will disappoint you. shahrukh khan is above 50 years old. also kajol is 40+ and mother of child. the director and shahrukh both attempt to make dilwale dulhaniya le jayenge magic but couldn't succeed. arun dhawan copy to salman khan khan but he also failed
View all reviews on Dilwale

Review Posted on : 21 Dec 2015
Spectre
(According to Santosh Sonare Spectre is a 2 star movie)
this is the james bond series film. we all know the controversy about the film before its release in india. the sensore board of india cut its many of scene which contains nudity and long kisses etc. the sencer board of india doing well. no vulgarity should spread in india by pretending the forwardness.
View all reviews on Spectre

Review Posted on : 15 Dec 2015
Angry Indian Goddesses
(According to Santosh Sonare Angry Indian Goddesses is a 0 star movie)
this is a drama film. you can not understand that what massage the film is giving you. the direction of directore is scattered. th acting of actors is so and so. now a days it can not be understand that what the filmmakers want to do. no creation just follow others. bakwas and bekar films are being created.
View all reviews on Angry Indian Goddesses

Review Posted on : 15 Dec 2015
Tamasha
(According to Santosh Sonare Tamasha is a 2 star movie)
today's producer director have no original idea. just pick up ideas either from south movie or from old hindi movie are just take a nonsense sexy idea and make a what so movie. and take some famouse acters and give name to this movie extra from all movies. what are going now. no any creativity.
View all reviews on Tamasha

Review Posted on : 8 Dec 2015
Hate Story 3
(According to Santosh Sonare Hate Story 3 is a 1 star movie)
very sexy movie. i don't understand where the director procucer of this type of movie want to move our society our youth and our culture. they just want to earn money. other things are not important to them. if they have their own girls they do nude them just for money.
View all reviews on Hate Story 3

Review Posted on : 8 Dec 2015
Charlie Kay Chakkar Mein
(According to Santosh Sonare Charlie Kay Chakkar Mein is a 2 star movie)
this is a time pass film. the man hero of this film is nasiruddin shan and nasiruddhin shah tried his best to lift the film. but he failed to lift the film. the thought of producer directer to make a film with a uncommon name may attract veiwer towards their film is failed. overall this is a time pass film.
View all reviews on Charlie Kay Chakkar Mein

Review Posted on : 17 Nov 2015
Prem Ratan Dhan Payo
(According to Santosh Sonare Prem Ratan Dhan Payo is a 3 star movie)
this is an avarage film. this is not the film that we are expecting. the acting of salman khan is superb and other hand only anupam kher is excellent. otherwise no actor could succeed to impress in this film. sonam kapoor does not impress as a heroin. she is not suitable with salman khan.
View all reviews on Prem Ratan Dhan Payo

Review Posted on : 17 Nov 2015
Shaandaar
(According to Santosh Sonare Shaandaar is a 3 star movie)
this is an average movie. shahid kapoor is trying with many years with many films but he failed to uplift his career. it seems public refuse him. even though aliya bhatt was his co-star in this film yet both were failed to make this film hit. both actor did over acting. that public could digest it.
View all reviews on Shaandaar

Review Posted on : 27 Oct 2015
Pyar Ka Punchnama 2
(According to Santosh Sonare Pyar Ka Punchnama 2 is a 1 star movie)
now this time filmmaker are making film with an view that with some adultery and vulger dialougs and situation can make a film succsseful. and this film is the example of that thinking the pyar ka panchnama is a grade film. that u can't see with your family. no need to this type of film at this time.
View all reviews on Pyar Ka Punchnama 2

Review Posted on : 19 Oct 2015
Bumper Draw
(According to Santosh Sonare Bumper Draw is a 2 star movie)
after a long time rajpal yadav come back and play a main lead role in this film. but he is not so highte level actor who can bear the burden all the film alone. but he tried his level best. but the film failed to attract the public. this film has so many drama.
View all reviews on Bumper Draw

Review Posted on : 19 Oct 2015
Chinar Daastaan-E-Ishq
(According to Santosh Sonare Chinar Daastaan-E-Ishq is a 3 star movie)
this is a film of commbination of love and war. this film is not so good as expectation and the name of the film. the acting of acters are avarage. the location choosed in this film are good. and the director tried to shoot film in green places. but he could done acting from the artists.
View all reviews on Chinar Daastaan-E-Ishq

Review Posted on : 19 Oct 2015
Calendar Girls
(According to Santosh Sonare Calendar Girls is a 3 star movie)
this film is not as per your expectation by mahdur bhandarkar. the acting of six girls is very bed. the film does not affect you. it is been said madhur bhandark is know for extra oridnnary cinema but thie file dispaaoint ed you dont see thids ilm as you no wyn
View all reviews on Calendar Girls

Review Posted on : 14 Oct 2015
Talvar
(According to Santosh Sonare Talvar is a 2 star movie)
this is an real incedent based film. we all know the case of aayushi talwar and her parents. she was morderd by her parants in doubt of her affair with their servant. the director take advantage of creativity and mold the story by his way. acting of irfan khan is as per his tonic. but the file does not attract to the viwers.
View all reviews on Talvar

Review Posted on : 14 Oct 2015
Singh Is Bliing
(According to Santosh Sonare Singh Is Bliing is a 2 star movie)
singh is not bling. as the expectiation that also this movie will get attraction of the people after the film singh is bling but it remain failled. the acting of akshay kumar is as usual. he is fit n fine. the dicection of prabh deva is not as for he is known for. he is also wrote the story of the films. which is very week. after a long time lara dutta come back. she is also avarage.
View all reviews on Singh Is Bliing

Review Posted on : 14 Oct 2015
Jazbaa
(According to Santosh Sonare Jazbaa is a 3 star movie)
this is aishwarya rai bacchan's come back movie. and she fulfill the expectestion of viewers. her acting in this film is superb. and as usuly she looking beauti full even after her marriage and own a daughter. as alwyase the acting of irfan khan is also superb. the direction of sanjay gupta not touch the line for which he know. the music of the movie is also avarage.
View all reviews on Jazbaa

Review Posted on : 14 Oct 2015
Hero
(According to Santosh Sonare Hero is a 0 star movie)
this is an avarage movie. the new cumer suraj pancholi still to work hard. although his acting impress in this movie but he is to acting more. however the daughter of sunil shetty impressed less rather then suraj pancholi. the film over all an avarage film. the song of salman khan is good and an usp of the film.
View all reviews on Hero

Review Posted on : 23 Sep 2015
Manjhi - The Mountain Man
(According to Santosh Sonare Manjhi - The Mountain Man is a 4 star movie)
maanjhi : the montain man is a good film. the acting of all the artist is good. navazuddin siddiqui once again fabulus in his job. radhike apte is superb in her role. the direction of keten mehta is good. the subject of the film is out of the way and based on the true story of dasharath manjhi a rural man of jharkhand. over all after a long time this is a artistic and commercial mix film.
View all reviews on Manjhi - The Mountain Man

Review Posted on : 3 Sep 2015
Bangistan
(According to Santosh Sonare Bangistan is a 1 star movie)
this is not a good movie. the story and script of the film are scattered. acting of ritesh deshmukh is good and all others are so and so. the direction is very week. the message of film is don't know, that what to say the film maker. though the music is little well. you can enjoy it.
View all reviews on Bangistan

Review Posted on : 10 Aug 2015
Guddu Rangeela
(According to Santosh Sonare Guddu Rangeela is a 2 star movie)
this is a time pass movie. arshad warsi loss his glamor as was in his prior movie like munna bhai mbbs, lage rahe munna bhai etc. however the film is on the theme of light comedy, but all time u in the film in a confusion mode. also u can not understand the moto of the film. the acting of the films actor is not so bad. the music of films are average. some songs became famous.
View all reviews on Guddu Rangeela

Review Posted on : 29 Jul 2015
I Love New Year
(According to Santosh Sonare I Love New Year is a 2 star movie)
this is not a suny deol type film. this is a avarage film. acting of suny deol and kangna ranaut are not as standard as we know. the music of this film is average. we can see that the story line of this film is not understandable. suny deol is know as a actor with muscles and power who destroy his enemies with his strengths but in this film he looks like old age.
View all reviews on I Love New Year

Review Posted on : 29 Jul 2015
Miss Tanakpur Haazir Ho
(According to Santosh Sonare Miss Tanakpur Haazir Ho is a 3 star movie)
miss tanakpur hajir ho, you may think who is miss tanakpur, but don't get surprised it is a buffalo. this film is a political comments film. but failed to get the height for which this was made. the acting of senior actors anu kapur, om puri, ravi kishan are good but could not succeed to pull out the public to the theater. the director tried his best but succeed a little bit.
View all reviews on Miss Tanakpur Haazir Ho

Review Posted on : 22 Jul 2015
Bajrangi Bhaijaan
(According to Santosh Sonare Bajrangi Bhaijaan is a 3 star movie)
this salman khan's another crowed pulling film. this film also gripped with salman fobia. however the acting of salman khan is natural. also the acting of karina kapur and little child actor are also super. the direction of kabir khan is as usual, much action, little drama, with romance and emotion. the film is also inspired with the theme of the sunny deol's gadar. but could not succeed to reach the canvas of it. alas! you can say allover this is a good film, but the file could not come over the effect of film bahubali.
View all reviews on Bajrangi Bhaijaan

Review Posted on : 20 Jul 2015
Baahubali
(According to Santosh Sonare Baahubali is a 4 star movie)
excellent imagination and technology used in this movie. spite of the actors public only see the films every scene. also the acting of every actor is superb specially tamnna and rambha. the fiction of the film has been assembled elegantly. the only reason that unlike the film is that not connectivity of the film form 1st half to second half. also the first half of film is stunning but the second half is weaker then that of first half. nevertheless the viewers come out in the talkies with sweet memories about the films.
View all reviews on Baahubali

Review Posted on : 17 Jul 2015

Joke Posted By Santosh Sonare

More Intellectual Joke

PRISCRIPTION


calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, “i would like to buy some cyanide.”

the pharmacist asked, “why in the world do you need cyanide?”

the lady replied, “i need it to poison my husband.”

the pharmacist’s eyes got big and he exclaimed, “lord have mercy! i can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband! that’s against the law! i’ll lose my license! they’ll throw both of us in jail! all kinds of bad things will happen. absolutely not! you cannot have any cyanide!”

the lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.

the pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, “well now, that’s different. you didn’t tell me you had a prescription.”


Views : 390    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 22 Dec 2015
More Intellectual Joke

CHEMICAL FORMULA OF WATER

teacher : donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
donald : h i j k l m n o!!
teacher : what are you talking about?
donald : yesterday you said it’s h to o!

Views : 375    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 22 Dec 2015
More Intellectual Joke

WHY R U LATE?

teacher : why are you late, frank?
frank : because of the sign.
teacher : what sign?
frank : the one that says, “school ahead, go slow.”hh

Views : 357    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 22 Dec 2015
More Pappu Joke

WHO DISCOVER NORTH AMERICA

teacher : maria, go to the map and find north america.
pappu : here it is!
teacher : correct. now class, who discovered america?
class : pappu

Views : 404    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 22 Dec 2015
More Intellectual Joke

THIS IS THE RIGTH TIME

mother to her teenage daughter: i think this is the right time we
should talk about sex.
daughter (excitingly) : sure mom, tell me what do you want to know.
mother faints…

Views : 396    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 22 Dec 2015
More Girls-Boys Joke

difference between confidence and confidential

sons asks difference between confidence and confidential
dad says, you are my son, i’m confident. your friend is also my son,
that’s confidential!

Views : 347    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 22 Dec 2015
More Pappu Joke

IMPORTANCE OF PERIOD

teacher: u know the importance of period?
kid: ya, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad
got heart attack & our driver ran away.

Views : 373    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 22 Dec 2015
More Intellectual Joke

THREE FEELINGS

three feelings:
what’s the difference between stress, tension and panic?
stress is when wife is pregnant,
tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and
panic is when both are pregnant.

Views : 356    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 22 Dec 2015
More Husband Wife Joke

MEANING OF WIFE

husband asks , “do u know the meaning of wife??
“without information fighting everytime”
wife replies,” no, it means ,
“with idiot for ever !!!”

Views : 353    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 22 Dec 2015
More Cricket Joke

Man comes home

man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.
he shoots his friend to death.
wife says, “if you behave like this, you will lose all your friends”11

Views : 380    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 22 Dec 2015
More Husband Wife Joke

MISSING WIFE

two men met while both where looking for their lost wives.
1st: how yours look like?
2nd: she is 5″7, 36-24-36, fair, black eyes. what about yours?
1st: forget mine. lets find yours!!

Views : 342    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 22 Dec 2015
More Girls-Boys Joke

KISS OF LOVE

kiss is the key of love,
love is the lock of marriage,
marriage is the box of children,
and too many children means more problem for the world
so please stop kissing & save the world for a while...



Views : 298    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 15 Dec 2015
More Latest Joke

DON'T GET UP EARLY IN THE MORNING.

one day a fisherman got up very early in the morning.

there was not enough sunlight to get into the sea.

he saw a pack of stones...

to pass time he started throwing the stone into the sea.

while having the last stone in the hand,

the sun came up then he saw that the stone was a diamond.

he felt for his misfortune of throwing all of them into the sea.

.
moral of the story:

don't get up early in the morning....

Views : 148    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 15 Dec 2015
More Girls-Boys Joke

I AM NOT PERFECT.

girl before finding her love:
he should love me more & more everyday
he should never let me sad
he should always understand me
he should be perfect !!
.
after finding her boyfriend:
so what if he is not loving me unconditional, i understand & love him anyway
so what if he is sometimes makes me sad, that is ok, still he is the best for me!
so what if he is not fully understanding me, i will understand him
so what if he is not perfect, i am not perfect too!

Views : 282    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 15 Dec 2015
More Latest Joke

24-HOUR GROCERY

“i went to a restaurant that serves breakfast at any time. so i ordered french toast during the renaissance.”

“i went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. when i got there, the guy was locking the front door. i said, ‘hey, the sign says you’re open 24 hours.’ he said, ‘yes, but not in a row.’”

“if toast always lands butter-side down and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast to the back of a cat and drop it?”

Views : 162    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 8 Dec 2015
More Pappu Joke

DO YOU WORK OUT

little johnny wanted to be an accountant, so he went for an aptitude test:
tester: if i give you two rabbits, and two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
little johnny : seven!
tester : no, listen carefully again. if i give you two rabbits, and two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
little johnny : seven!
tester : let's try this another way. if igive you two bottles of beer, and twobottles of beer, and another two bottles of beer, how many bottles of beer have you got?
little johnny : six.
tester : good! now, if i give you two rabbits, and two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
little johnny : seven!
tester : how on earth do you work out that three lots of two rabbits is seven?
little johnny: i've already got one rabbit at home!

Views : 302    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 8 Dec 2015
More Intellectual Joke

WHO IS BIGGEST

ek sharabi, poora tunn ho kar ghar jaa raha tha,
raste mein mandir ke bahar pujari dikha!

sharabi ne pujari se poocha, sabse bada kaun?

pujari ne peecha chudane ke liye kaha ‘yeh mandir bada’

sharabi bola: mandir bada to dharti pe kaise khada?

pujari: chalo bhai dharti badi

sharabi: dharti badi to sheshnaag par kyun khadi?

pujari: sheshnaag bada

sharabi: sheshnaag bada to shiv ke gale main kyon pada

pujari : shiv bada

sharabi: shiv bada to parvat par kyon khada

pujari: parvat bada

sharabi: parbat bada to hanuman ki ungli pe kyon pada

pujari: hanuman bada

sharabi: hanuman bada to ram ke charno mein kyon pada

pujari: ram bada

sharabi: ram bada to ravan ke piche kyun pada

pujari: arey mere baap tu bata kaun bada

sharabi:
iss duniya mein wo bada
jo puri bottle peekar bhi seedha khada!!



Views : 355    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 30 Nov 2015
More Girls-Boys Joke

EMOTIONAL

हमें मालूम था अंजाम-ए-इश्क का लेकिन,

जवानी जोश पर थी ज़िंदगी बर्बाद कर बैठे.

ऐ बादल, मेरी आँखें तू रख ले..
…..कम्बखत…
बड़ी माहिर है बरसने में “..!

Views : 325    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 30 Nov 2015
More Husband Wife Joke

SARDAR and HIS WIFE

iwi:
jo aadmi roj sharab peekar aaye uske liye mere mann mein koi hamdardi nahi hai..!

pati :
jisko roj sharab mil jaye, use tumhari hamdardi ki jarurat bhi nahi hai



Views : 297    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 30 Nov 2015
More Girls-Boys Joke

CALLER TUNE

एक लड़के को रात मे बारह बजेएक लड़की का
फोन आता हैँ !!.
.
.
.
लड़का :- hello, कड़न ?.
.
लड़की :- हम तेरे बिन अब रह नही सकते,तेरे
बिना क्या वजूद मेरा….
.
.
.
लड़का :- (excited होकर ) : कड़न हो आप ?..
.
.
लड़की :- तुझसे जुदा गर हो जायेंगे तो खुद सेही
हो जायेंगे जुदा…!.
.
.
.
लडका :- (खुशी के मारे आँखों से पानी लाते
हुए) :-तुम सचमुच मुझसे शादी करोगी….????..
…………..
.
.
.
.
.
लड़की :- इस गाने को अपनी कॉलर tuneबनाने
के लिए 8 दबाएं।

Views : 297    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 30 Nov 2015
More Girls-Boys Joke

IN THE CONFERENCE

q: why are identical twins like a broken alarm clock?
a: because they are dead ringers!

q: what is a well-dressed lion called?
a: a dandy-lion [dandelion]

q: which animals are found on legal documents?
a: seals.

q: which fish swims only at night?
a: the starfish. -

Views : 293    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 18 Nov 2015
More Husband Wife Joke

MY HUSBAND IS BALD

four women living in the neighborhood were invited to a party. they were discussing about the dress they would wear for the party. they finally decided to choose the color that matches with the hair color of their husband.
the first woman told, ‘i will go with red as my husband colored his hair red’
the second woman said, ‘i always prefer black as my husband’s hair color is naturally black!’
the third woman told, ‘yeah, then i do prefer to go with yellow dress as he has blonde hair!’ (yellow)
the fourth woman was quiet. all the other insisted her about her preferred color.
she said, ‘i was thinking a lot but can’t choose any color, i can’t wear any dress because my husband is bald!’ -

Views : 354    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 18 Nov 2015
More Latest Joke

THIS IS MY COMPUTER

customer called to tech support: “my computer is not connecting to internet”
tech support: “ok, which operating system are you using?”
customer: “internet explorer”!
tech support: “no, you just right click on “my computer” and click on the properties menu”
customer: “what are you saying, this is not your computer, it is my computer”! -

Views : 254    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 18 Nov 2015
More Husband Wife Joke

FROZEN WINDOWS

during a cold winter day a wife messaged to her husband that “the windows frozen”.
husband replied to pour some warm water on them.
after a while husband received a message again “no way, the computer is completely spoilt now”! -

Views : 314    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 18 Nov 2015
More Husband Wife Joke

THE STATION MASTER

a lady was running to catch a train to bangalore. she reached the station and was searching for the train.

passenger: (asked to the station master) sir, is this my train?
station master: no madam, this is not your train, it’s railways department’s train.
passenger: (annoyed) that’s a good joke. don’t act too smart. what i meant was, can i take this train to bangalore?
station master: no ma’am, you cannot! this train is so big and you can’t take it.
passenger: its really funny! now say me, will this train take me to bangalore?
station master: no ma’am. the train can’t take you. the train driver will drive it to bangalore!


Views : 273    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 18 Nov 2015
More Intellectual Joke

COFFEE and A FLY

a customer ordered a cup of coffee in a restaurant! the waiter served the coffee. the customer found a fly in the coffee. he called the waiter.

customer: how do i drink this coffee!
waiter: don’t you know how to drink a coffee?
customer: waiter, see, there is a fly in my coffee.
waiter: oh yes sir, you are right! there is a fly in your coffee.
customer: waiter, i said, there is a fly in mmy coffee (he stressed the word my)
waiter: oh don’t worry sir, the fly won’t drink much!
customer: waiter, it is swimming in my coffee.
waiter: sir, do you want me to get a lifeguard for the fly sir?
(annoyed) customer: the fly dead, it’s irritating!
waiter: i guess, it doesn’t know how to swim properly.
customer: how do i drink this coffee?
waiter: don’t you know how to drink? i will teach you!

he drank the coffee! and said, this is how you should drink a coffee. -

Views : 416    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 18 Nov 2015
More Latest Joke

HYDERABADI JOKES

hyderabadi msg mom: kaiku rora re? son: teacher maari merku mom: kaiku maari chudel ne son:mai usku murgi bola mon: kaiku son: kaiku boleto, har exam mein anda deri merku.

Views : 394    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 17 Nov 2015
More Santa-Banta Joke

WHY U CAME LATE?

techr: tum late kyo aaye ho? santa: mumy papa lad rahe the. techr: wo lad rahe the to tum kyo late aaye? santa:mera 1 juta maumy k pass or dusra papa k paas tha!

Views : 257    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 17 Nov 2015
More Husband Wife Joke

DON'T TELL A LIE

1 aadmi apne bete k liye 1 robot laya jo jooth bolne par thappad marta tha. beta :- papa aaj me school nahi jaunga mere pet me dard hai (bete ko padi sattaak?) papa :- dekha tune jooth bola isliye tuje saza mili, me jab tere jitna tha to kabhi jooth nahi bolta tha. papa ko bhi padi sattaak wife :(haste huye boli) aap hi ka beta hai. mummy ko bhi sattaak.

Views : 367    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 17 Nov 2015
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MY NAME IS

telgu ladka james bond se naam pucha. james bond bola: bond! james bond! james bond 007! phir james bond ne telugu ladke se naam pucha. telgu ladka bola: prasad! venkat prasad! veera venkat prasad! sai veera venkat prasad! srilakshmi sai veera venkat prasad! venkateshwara srilakshmi sai veera venkat prasad! srinivasukala venkateshwara srilakshmi sai veera venkat prasad! sita ramanjaneyula srinivasula venkateshwara srilakshmi sai veera venkat prasad!

Views : 418    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 17 Nov 2015
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WILL U MARRY ME?

ek bhikari ladki se bola kya aap mujse shadi karogi. ladki boli tujse shadi karne se achcha hai main gade mein kud ke marjaon. bhikari bola “kamini marjaigi laikin gareeb kaam nahi aayege”.

Views : 367    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 17 Nov 2015
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SMART THEIF

ek chor amir aadmi ke ghar mein chori karne gaya. tijori pe likha tha “tijori ko todne ki jaroorat nahi hai, 452 number press karke sahmne vala lal batan dabao,tijori khul jayegi. jaise hi batan daba alarm baja aur police aa gayi.” jate jate chor seth se bola: aaj mera insaaniyat se vishwas uth gaya hai!

Views : 266    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 17 Nov 2015
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GANGSTER

q: what did the gangster’s son tell his dad
when he failed his examination?
a: dad they questioned me for 3 hours
but i never told them anything.

Views : 288    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 17 Nov 2015
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I love you too

molu ne ek ladki ko propose kiya aur bola i love you. lakin ladki boli main kisi aur se pyar karti hoon. molu achanak bhagne laga. aur bhagte bhagte bola “thair teri amma ku boltaon” ladki chillake bolne lagi rukre potte i love you too.

Views : 268    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 17 Nov 2015
More Pappu Joke

Reply of principal

teacher : beta, tumhare sare answers galat hain… student : kamal karte ho sir ji, marks hi toh mang rhe, pyar se mang rahe de do warna do thapad marke bhi le sakte.. teacher : bathmez kahin ke !!! student : sir, batmezi se yaad aya apke pitaji kaise hain?? teacher : nikal ja class se.. student : sir, chupchap marks de do warna answer sheet me itne cheed kar denge ki confusion ho jaoge ki fail kahan likhe aur zero kahan!!!

Views : 359    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 17 Nov 2015
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letter to principal by student

letter to principal salam saale! yeh bata kaun haramkhor paper set karta hai? kamino , students ki jaan nikal jati hai. upar se paper checking to aise hoti h jaise apni maa k maut ka badla le rahe ho. aisa sylbus banaya jaise tumhare yahan toh saale sab topper hi janme hai. tera baap bhi is paper me pas nai hoga! tu khud is paper me 10 bar fail hoga.tu kabhi bahar mil saale bataunga tujhe. urs faithfully, (pagal hu jo apna naam likhunga)

Views : 321    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 17 Nov 2015
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STOLEN HEART

which song tarzan like to sing on the christmas day?
jungle bells jungle bells!

turkey is not feeling hungry on the thanksgiving day, why?
because it is already stuffed!

why did the christmas tree go to the barbershop before the christmas eve?
because it want to get trimmed before the eve!

why did joy put her girlfriend in jail on valentine’s day?
because she had stolen his heart! -

Views : 264    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 3 Nov 2015
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I HAVEN'T DONE THE HOMEWORK

sam: dear sir, i want to ask you something.
teacher: yes sam, ask me, what do you want?
sam: sir, do you punish anyone for something they did not do?
teacher: no sam. why should i?
sam: thank you sir. that’s a relief. i haven’t done the homework.

Views : 473    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 3 Nov 2015
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SCHOOL AHEAD, GO SLOW

teacher: why are you late?
student: because of the sign on the road.
teacher: what type of sign?
student: the sign that says, “school ahead, go slow.”!

Views : 391    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 3 Nov 2015
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SCHOOL IN THE MORNING

teacher announced that “students, we will have only half a day of school in this morning.
all the students said “yeahh”
then the teacher said “we will have the other half this afternoon”!

Views : 434    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 3 Nov 2015
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MY FATHER IS SPEAKING

ittle sam (on phone): my son is having high fever and he won’t be able to come to school today.
teacher: who is this?
little sam: this is my father speaking!

Views : 317    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 3 Nov 2015
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GO FOR A MOVIE

ohnny asked to sam what they will do that night.
sam said “we will flip a coin”
then johnny said “if it comes head, we will go for movies. if tails, we will play cards, if it stands on edge, we will study”!

Views : 388    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 3 Nov 2015
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MOTHER ELEPHANTS

classroom jokes

it was oral examination in the standard two. the class teacher asked various questions to the students. she asked tom, ‘can you tell me a name of an animal that starts with alphabet ‘e’?
tom replied ‘elephant’
teacher asked him again to name an animal that starts with alphabet ‘t’.
tom replied ‘two elephants’
teacher asked him the same question.
tom replied ‘ten elephants’
annoyed teacher, asked him name an animal that starts with alphabet ‘m’
tom replied ‘mother elephant’
the angry teacher repeated the same question.
cool tom replied ‘may be an elephant’

Views : 392    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 3 Nov 2015
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BREAK FAIL

santa ki biwi : o ji car ki speed itani kyo badha di..?
santa : are banoo car ki break fail ho gayi hai, to accident ho jaye iske pehele ghar pahunch jaate hai.

Views : 256    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 27 Oct 2015
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CIGARATE

santa apne father k samne cigrate pi raha tha
logon ne kaha ke aap apne father ke samne cigratte pi rahay ho?
santa bola : wo mera father hai, koi petrol pump thodi

Views : 202    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 27 Oct 2015
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NOT TO EAT OUSSIDES

waiter-apne samose aur pakodon ko andar se kha liya, lekin bahar ka saara chhod diya! aisa kyon?customer-kyonki doctor ne kaha hai, bahar ka khaana mat khao..

Views : 271    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 27 Oct 2015
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GOOD NEWS BAD NEWS

dad:result ka kya hua
son: dad, ek good news hai aur aik bad news
dad:good news bata.
son : mai pass ho gya.
dad : great, aur bad news.
son:good news galat hai.

Views : 260    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 27 Oct 2015
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YOU ARE MISSED

raja pervaiz ashraf: yaar mujhey mother's day pe koi message nhi aaya?
secretary: sir, pakistan me jub light jati hai,
log aap ki maa ko hi yaad kertey hain!!!

Views : 248    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 27 Oct 2015
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MONKEY and TREE

bhongasing ek ped per chadh gaye.
upar baithey monkey ne poocha: upar kyon aaye?
bhongasing: apple khane.
monkey: yeh to aam ka ped hai.
bhongasing: pata hai, apple saath laya hun.

Views : 225    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 27 Oct 2015
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MOBILE VIRUS

is
msg
ko
0pen
na kare
bola tha
fir bhi 0pen kiya
>-**-<
>-**-<
>-**-<
ye mobile ko bigadne wale virus hai
mera kaam ho gaya
ab ap jano



Views : 276    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 27 Oct 2015
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RAIN FALLING

barish hui aur hum bhig gaye,
wah wah
barish hui aur hum bhig gye.
wah wah
age kya hua?
hona kya tha?
dhoop nikli aur hm sukh gye

Views : 241    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 27 Oct 2015
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AS U WISH

usne kaha -na ched ladki ko paap hoga
kal tu bhi kisi ladkika baap hoga.
maine kaha bhagwan kre tera kehna sach ho
jo mujhe baap kahe wo tera bacha ho.

Views : 225    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 27 Oct 2015
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I AM GOING TO SCHOOL

bacha ghar se maar kha kr,
gusse me school ja raha tha
ek admi ne pucha
beta padhte ho?
bacha: nhi school ki dress pehen k
tere baap k barat mai ja raha hu.

Views : 283    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 27 Oct 2015
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SARDAR and BANANA

ek sardar kele ke chilke se fisal kar gir gya
aage phir dusre chilke se gir gya
ab teesre chilke ko dekh kr k bola...??
shit ab phir se girna padega

Views : 282    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 27 Oct 2015
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BABA RAMDEV

99 sal ka aadmi
swarg ki raunak aur sundar apsarao ko dekh kar bola-
ye ramdev baba k chakr me na para hota to 30 sal pahle hi chala ata...

Views : 285    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 27 Oct 2015
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INTELLIGENT HUMOR

i can only assume two things here (perhaps making an an ass of u and me): the writer is not an “american” and is something of a connoisseur of what he or she calls “intelligent humor.” i am very sympathetic. whether this person has in mind the mordant absurdism of beckett, the trenchant wit of swift or wilde, the surrealistic flights of farce in vonnegut, or the heights of high-toned silliness in monty python, i can’t say. all of these are excellent examples of “intelligent humor.”

Views : 87    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 19 Oct 2015
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GIVE ME YOUR MOBILE

irl 2 boy:muje apna mobile de do main isko dekh k tumhe yad karungi boy:tum ye soch k muje yad kar lena ki me ne manga tha usne nahe dia.

Views : 368    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 14 Oct 2015
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CONFUSION IN EXAM

eacher : beta, tumhare sare answers galat hain… student : kamal karte ho sir ji, marks hi toh mang rhe, pyar se mang rahe de do warna do thapad marke bhi le sakte.. teacher : bathmez kahin ke !!! student : sir, batmezi se yaad aya apke pitaji kaise hain?? teacher : nikal ja class se.. student : sir, chupchap marks de do warna answer sheet me itne cheed kar denge ki confusion ho jaoge ki fail kahan likhe aur zero kahan!!!

Views : 348    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 14 Oct 2015
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LETTER TO PRINCIPAL

letter to principal salam saale! yeh bata kaun haramkhor paper set karta hai? kamino , students ki jaan nikal jati hai. upar se paper checking to aise hoti h jaise apni maa k maut ka badla le rahe ho. aisa sylbus banaya jaise tumhare yahan toh saale sab topper hi janme hai. tera baap bhi is paper me pas nai hoga! tu khud is paper me 10 bar fail hoga.tu kabhi bahar mil saale bataunga tujhe. urs faithfully, (pagal hu jo apna naam likhunga)

Views : 336    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 14 Oct 2015
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GHOST RIDER

do you know what is girl? g-ghost i-in r-real l-life. so avoid girls & forward their numbers to me. dont worry about my life i am a professional ghost rider.

Views : 180    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 14 Oct 2015
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WHAT IS YOUR NAME

traffic police chalaan book nikaal ke bola: naam bol?

ladka: galti ho gaya sir...

police: naam bol.

ladka: sorry sir, is baar jane do... dobara nahi hoga.

police: naam kya hai.

ladka: trikulavattyy thekkeparambli venkateshwara swami.

police (book band karke): theek hai, agli baar gaadi dheere chalana!

Views : 226    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 14 Oct 2015
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ENGLISH TRANSLATION

santa english me fail ho gaya translation ki wajah se...;

1. mein ek aam admi hun...
i am a mango man.

2. mujhe english aati hai.
english comes to me.

3. mera talluq haripur hazara se hai.
i belong to green pur thousanda.

4. sdak par goliya chal rahi hai.
tablets are walking on the road....!

Views : 206    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 14 Oct 2015
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YOU CHEATER

girl:- i love u.

boy:- me too.

girl:- how much?

boy:- as much as u do.

girl:- “you cheater!” i thought u really love me.

Views : 218    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 14 Oct 2015
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BREAK DANCE

pappu: cycle ke break hath me lekar nach raha tha!! !

max- ye kya kr raha ae pappu?

pappu-oye!

break dance kar rha hoon!

Views : 250    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 14 Oct 2015
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TWO TICKET

pappu :- bhai saheb 2 ticket dena,

conductor:- 2 q ?

pappu :- 1 kho jaye to dusri kaam ayegi,

conductor:- dono kho gayi to ?

pappu :- fir sala pass kis din kam aayega.

Views : 243    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 14 Oct 2015
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HIEGHT OF FASION

height of fashion?
dhoti wid zip.
height of secrecy?
blank visiting card.
height of stupidity?
looking thru a keyhole of glass door.
height of honesty?
pregnant woman purchases 1 & a half ticket.
height of de-hydration?
a cow giving milk powder.
height of timewasting?
u reading the whole msg

Views : 287    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 13 Oct 2015
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JOY N HAPPINESS

hey listen......
two people were asking
me about you,
i give them ur address
and cell no,
they will b visiting u soon,
their names r joy n happiness.

Views : 261    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 13 Oct 2015
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DICTIONARY

dictionary is da only place where death comes before life,
success before work,
& divorce before marriage.
but the best part is
friend comes before relatives :)

Views : 186    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 13 Oct 2015
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BUY A PILLOW

true love is like a pillow
u could hug it when u r in trouble
u could cry on it when u r in pain
u could embrace it when u r happy

want true love?

spend rs.50 buy a pillow

Views : 203    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 13 Oct 2015
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I MISS YOU ALWAYS

you must be a good runner because
you are always running in my mind,
you must be a good thief because
you have stolen my heart,
and
i am always a bad shooter because
i miss you always...

Views : 202    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 13 Oct 2015
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SAY NO TO EXAM

it takes 15 trees to
produce the amount
of paper that we
use to write one exam.

join us in promoting the noble
cause of saving trees.
say no to exams

Views : 288    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 13 Oct 2015
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IF IT STAND

a student grabbed a coin,

flipped it in the air & said,
“head, i go to sleep.”

tail, i watch a movie.

if it stands on the edge i’ll study

Views : 445    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 13 Oct 2015
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WE DON'T CARE

exams are there,
at the paper u stare;
the answer is nowhere,
which makes u pull ur hair.
the teachers make u glare,
the grades r not fair,
but just like the past 20 yrs,
we dont care !!

Views : 387    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 13 Oct 2015
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HEIGHT OF HOPE

wats d height of hope??
it is: sittin in d exam hall,
holdin d question paper in hand
n tellin ur self
“dude,dnt worry.
exams wil get postponed!”

Views : 350    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 13 Oct 2015
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popcorn


tawe pe pada popcorn uchalta kyo hai ?

socho !!

are yaar thik se socho !!

nahi soch paye ? thik hai, jawab chahate ho to

khud baith ke dekh lo tawae par,

pata chal jayega.

Views : 281    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 5 Oct 2015
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BIG DIVIDENDS

a nervous passenger decided to purchase flight insurance at the ticket counter. she had some time before the flights departure, so she stopped in a chinese restaurant in the concourse. she started to shake as she read her fortune cookie: “today’s investment will pay big dividends!”



Views : 188    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 28 Sep 2015
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THE BIG CRUSH

it is the middle of the night in the middle of nowhere, two cars both slightly cross over the white line in the centre of the road. they collide and a fair amount of damage is done, miraculously neither driver is hurt.

they both get out. one is a doctor, one is a lawyer. the lawyer calls the police on his cell phone and they say they will be there within 20 minutes.

it’s cold and damp, and both men are shaken up. the lawyer offers the doctor a drink of brandy from his hip flask, the doctor accepts, drinks and hands it back to the lawyer, who then puts it away.

“aren’t you going to have a drink?” the doctor says.

“after the police get here.” replies the lawyer

Views : 174    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 28 Sep 2015
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A STUPID MAN

there was a flood in a village.

one man said to everyone, “i’ll stay! god will save me!”

the flood got higher and a boat came and the man in it said “come on mate, get in!”

“no” replied the man. god will save me!

the flood got very high now and the man had to stand on the roof of his house.

a helicopter soon came and the man offered him help.“

no, god will save me!” he said

eventually he died by drowning.

he got by the gates of heaven and he said to god “why didn’t you save me?”

god replied, “for goodness sake! i sent a boat and a helicopter. what more do you want!”

Views : 308    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 28 Sep 2015
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ADMS RIB

adam was walking around the garden of eden feeling very lonely, so god asked adam, “what is wrong with you?”

adam said, “lord, i don’t have anyone to talk to.”

god said, “then i will give you a companion, and she will be called a ‘woman’. this person will cook for you and wash your clothes, she will always agree with every decision you make. she will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. she will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you’ve had a disagreement. she will never have a headache, and will freely give 'love’ and compassion whenever needed. she will never question your behaviour or the company you keep. she will support you and understand that you have important decisions to make throughout your life and don’t have time for nonsense…”

adam asked god, “what will this woman cost?”

god said, “an arm and a leg…”

adam said, “what can i get for just a rib?”

Views : 289    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 28 Sep 2015
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A SECOND LANGUAGE

a family of mice were surprised by a big cat. father mouse jumped and and said, “bow-wow!” the cat ran away. “what was that, father?” asked baby mouse. “well, son, that’s why it’s important to learn a second language

Views : 247    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 28 Sep 2015
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HE WAS NOT MY FRIEND

a man to santa-- ur frnd is kissing ur wife in ur home,
he rushes to his home
and come with in half an hour n
slapped tat man n said--
he was not my frnd..


Views : 245    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 24 Sep 2015
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GARAMPANI

sardarji: ghar mai mera he hukam chalta hai.
mai kehta hon, garam paani le aao, woh le aati hai,

dost: garam pani q?


sardar: garam pani se bartan achay dhultay hain.




Views : 242    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 24 Sep 2015
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SUGAR LEVEL

rasdeep goes into the kitchen and opens the cookie jar. he looks inside and closes it. his wife observes the whole episode and says nothing. again rasdeep enters the kitchen and does the same thing.

his wife asks, rasdeep, why are you doing that?'
rasdeep replies, 'the doctor told to check my sugar level regularly.'

Views : 220    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 24 Sep 2015
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OUT SHOPPING

gatnam went to the sale at electrical shop and he found a bargain. 'i would like to buy this small tv,' he told the salesman.
'sorry, we don't sell to sardars,' he replied.

so gatnam hurried home, removed his turban, and changed his hair style and
eturned to repeat to the salesman, 'i would like to buy this tv.'

'sorry, we don't sell to sardars,' the salesman replied for a second time.
'damn! gatnam exploded, 'he recognized me.'

he went for a complete disguise this time, haircut, new hair colour, different clothes, big sunglasses and he waited a few days until he saw the salesman again.
'i would like to buy this tv.'

'sorry, we don't sell to sardars,' the salesman replied.
angry now and frustrated, gatnam shouted, 'how do you know i'm a sardar?'
'because that's a microwave,' he replied.

Views : 179    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 24 Sep 2015
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YOU NEED FM RADIO

girl: mujhe ek aisa husband chahiye jo achi achi baatein kare
hansi mazaq kare or raton ko muje songs sunaye
sardar: tusi husbnd nu maro goli

fm radio le lo.



Views : 246    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 24 Sep 2015
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HONEYMOON NIGHT

shadi ki raat sardar apni bv k liye gulab ka phool le kr aaya

bv:
mujhe ye nhi chahiye, koi sonay ki cheez do..

sardar:ye lo takiya aur so jao.



Views : 201    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 24 Sep 2015
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EGYPTIAN MUMMY

two sardarjis are looking at an egyptian mummy.
sardar 1: look, so many bandages! must be a pukka (real) lorry accident case.
sardar 2: aaho, lorry number is also written...bc 1760!!!

Views : 67    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 24 Sep 2015
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BAJAJ SCOOTER

nasa was getting ready to launch a very important space shuttle. the scientists and engineers checked and double checked everything to make sure that things are fine. however, on the day of the launch, something seemed to be wrong. the rocket made all sorts of noise but never took off even an inch from the ground. the engineers were puzzled because they could not figure out the problem.

finally, manjit, a sardar offered to help. the nasa scientists were desperate by that time and agreed to do anything.

'tilt the rocket 45 degrees to the right,' said manjit in a serious voice. the engineers were puzzled but did it anyway.

'bring it back to vertical position, the manjit added. the engineers did.

'now start the engines,' instructed manjit. the rocket took off and flew into space. everybody thanked and congratulated manjit and asked him how he knew what to do.

he replied, 'it is very simple. this is what we always do with our bajaj scooters in india.'

Views : 212    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 24 Sep 2015
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STUDY

anta: i am a most proud sardar, my son is in medical college.
banta: really, what is he studying?

santa: no is not studying, they are studying him.

Views : 131    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 24 Sep 2015
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IMPROVE HANDWRITING

pappu apne dost golu ko udas hoke bata raha thha

pappu: “yaar bohat mushkil hai teacher se pyar karna”

golu: “kyun?”

pappu: “love letter bheja tha assignment samajh kar check kar diya or boli handwriting improve karo

Views : 277    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 23 Sep 2015
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MOTIVATING

teacher santa ko class mein khada karti hai aur kehti hai

teacher: “santa, can u translate the following sentence in a single english word? – moti larki intezaar kar rahi hai?”

santa: “oh! it is so easy ….. ….. …….. motivating.

Views : 208    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 23 Sep 2015
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TRAIN IS COMING ON THE PLATFORM

santa standing on platform suddenly jumps on the railway track.
banta: santa u’ll die.
santa: u’ll die bcoz haven’t u heard train is coming on platform?

Views : 199    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 23 Sep 2015
More Santa-Banta Joke

SANTA and JUDGE

santa was caught for speeding and went before the judge.
the judge: what’ll you take 30 days or rs 3000.
santa: i think i’ll take the money.

Views : 195    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 23 Sep 2015
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SUICIDE OF FROG

frog: tumhare paas dimaag nahin hai.
santa: hai.
frog: nahin hai.
santa: hai.
frog: nahin hai & jumps into the well.
santa: isme suicide karne waali kya baat thi.?

Views : 304    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 23 Sep 2015
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PRESENT AT THE TIME OF DIE

banta: marte waqt aadmi ko kya dena chahiye?
santa: birla cement.
banta: kyun?
santa: kyunki is cement mein jaan hai.

Views : 191    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 23 Sep 2015
More Pappu Joke

WHAT IS THE TENTH MONTH

teacher: what is the first month?
student: january
teacher: what is the second month?
student: february
teacher: what is the tenth month?
student: delivery

Views : 345    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 23 Sep 2015
More Husband Wife Joke

WIFE and THIVES

wife to her husband: wake up. some thieves have broken into our house. i think they are now eating the food i made last night.
husband: oh! let's better call the ambulance then.


Views : 231    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 23 Sep 2015
More Intellectual Joke

WONDERFULL NURSES

patient to his friend: the nurse in this hospital is really wonderful. she touched me and my fever got cured immediately.
friend: yeah, i could hear her touch your cheek in the next room.


Views : 245    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 23 Sep 2015
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ONE RABBIT AT HOME

little johnny wanted to be an accountant, so he went for an aptitude test:
tester: if i give you two rabbits, and two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
little johnny : seven!
tester : no, listen carefully again. if i give you two rabbits, and two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
little johnny : seven!
tester : let's try this another way. if igive you two bottles of beer, and twobottles of beer, and another two bottles of beer, how many bottles of beer have you got?
little johnny : six.
tester : good! now, if i give you two rabbits, and two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
little johnny : seven!
tester : how on earth do you work out that three lots of two rabbits is seven?
little johnny: i've already got one rabbit at home!

Views : 96    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 15 Sep 2015
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WHERE IS FIFTH.

4 boys on bike.
police:” triple riding is banned aur tum
4 baithe ho.. ??
.
.
boys shocked..
.
.
.
look behind..
.
.
.
.
.
and says:” saalo 5wa kaha gir gya.. ??

Views : 199    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 14 Sep 2015
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TUTION TEACHER

2nd class ka baccha apni miss se kehta
hai..
mai apko kesa lagta hun ??
miss: so sweet..
baccha: to phir mai apne ammi abbu
ko aap ke ghar kab bheju.. ??
miss: wo q.. ??
bacha: “q ki wo hamari baat aage
chalaye..!
miss: ye kya bakwas hai..?
baccha:
.
.
.
.
tution padhane ke liye ..!!
miss aap bhi na kasam se
tv dekh dekh ke kaafi bigad gayi
hain… !!

Views : 274    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 14 Sep 2015
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I M A TAXY DRIVER

anta tez baarish mein doctor ke paas gaya
santa: doctor saab ghar par checkup ki kya fee hai?
doctor: 300/-
santa: phir jaldi chaliye doctor saab.
doctor ne car nikali aur dono santa ke ghar pahunch gaye.
doctor: mareez kahan hai?
santa: mareez-wareez koi nahi hai, mua taxy wala ghar tak jaane ke 500/- maang raha tha aap 300/- mein le aaye.

Views : 239    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 14 Sep 2015
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RING MASTER and SANTA

ek baar santa new year ke din circus dekhne jata hai.
toh circus mein ladki ne sher ko kiss kiya.
ring master: aap mein se koi yeh kaam kar sakta hai?
santa: main aata hoon na,
par pehle iss sher ko peeche karo.

Views : 218    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 14 Sep 2015
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AT UR OWN RISK

strange but true.
.
.
duniya me har insaan ka alag
naam hai..
.
.
magar bheed me jab hum aawaz
lagate hai..
.
.
.
“abe kaminey”
kasam se 20 me se 18 log palat kar
dekhte hai…
moral : agar yakeen nai hota toh try
karke dekho
caution: try at ur own risk

Views : 188    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 14 Sep 2015
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YOURS FAITHFULY

letter to principal salam saale! yeh bata kaun haramkhor paper set karta hai? kamino , students ki jaan nikal jati hai. upar se paper checking to aise hoti h jaise apni maa k maut ka badla le rahe ho. aisa sylbus banaya jaise tumhare yahan toh saale sab topper hi janme hai. tera baap bhi is paper me pas nai hoga! tu khud is paper me 10 bar fail hoga.tu kabhi bahar mil saale bataunga tujhe. urs faithfully, (pagal hu jo apna naam likhunga)

Views : 237    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 14 Sep 2015
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CEASER ON THE ROCK

a roman walks into a bar and asks for a martinus. “you mean a martini?” the bartender asks. the roman replies, “if i wanted a double, i would have asked for it!”

another roman walks into the bar, holds up two fingers, and says, “five beers, please.”




Views : 74    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 11 Sep 2015
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BEAUTIFUL

“ women wont play football not coz they aren’t gud at
it..
but coz its against their ego to b dressed up exactly like
10 other women in
front of 10,000 people

Views : 241    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 10 Sep 2015
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WORLD NEEDS U AFTERALL

hey friend remember dat without
stupidity there can be no wisdom
& without ugliness there can be no beauty..
so the world needs you after all!


Views : 203    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 10 Sep 2015
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MADE BY A MISTAKE

pathan was asked to change
a sentence into passive voice
i made a mistake
’pathan
i was made by a mistake

Views : 246    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 10 Sep 2015
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CHEWING GUM

a kid on his way 2 home with his mom
saw a couple kissing on the road,
he suddenly shouted & said:
look mom look, that boy and girl
are fighting for a chewing gum

Views : 253    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 10 Sep 2015
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PULL THE DRAIN PLUG

a journalist to a doctor of a mental hospital:

“how do you determine whether to admit a patient or not?”

doctor: “well, we first fill a bathtub with water till the top. then give a teaspoon,

a glass & a bucket to the patient & ask him / her to empty the bathtub.”

journalist: “obviously a normal person would use a bucket because it’s bigger!”

doctor: “no you stupid, a normal person would pull the drain plug!

Views : 227    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 10 Sep 2015
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TO WHOM R U TALKING?

a trainee in an mnc dialed the ceo by mistake & said:
hey, send a coffee to accounts dept. do it fast..
ceo: do u know with whom r u talking???
trainee: no!!!
ceo: i’m the ceo of this company…
trainee: do u know with whom r u talking???
confused ceo answers slowly: no…
trainee: thank god!!!
(disconnected the phone & said: all is well.. all is well.. all is well

Views : 202    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 10 Sep 2015
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HEART MELTING STORY

heart melting love story:
boy: i can’t marry u.
my family is totally against it.
girl: who r they 2 stop u?
boy: my wife & 2 kids.

Views : 292    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 10 Sep 2015
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UNDERSTANDING A GIRL

understanding a girl:
.
.
.
this is like downloading a 4gb file.
at the speed of 2kbps.
which ends up..
in a error at 99\\% completed!

Views : 276    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 10 Sep 2015
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MOSQUITO

how to kill a mosquito:
catch it alive,
tie its legs
then make gudgudi in its stomach
and when it laughs
,catch its mouth
& pour a spoon of poison ….

Views : 298    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 10 Sep 2015
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NEWTON'S LAW

a cow was walking, newton stopped it..he stopped,,
he found his 1st law..
“an OBJECT continues to move unless it stops”
.
.
he gave a force by kicking the cow
it gave a sound
he formulated the 2nd law..
“force,f=ma”
.
.
after sometimes cow gave a kick to newton,,
then he formulated 3rd law..
“every action has an equal and opposite reaction”

Views : 254    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 10 Sep 2015
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MAGICIAN and BOAT

a magician was working on a cruise ship in the caribbean. the audience was different each week so he did same tricks over and over.

the problem was, the captain's parrot saw all the shows and began to understand how the magician did every trick.

he started shouting in the middle of the show: 'look, it's not the same hat. look, he's hiding the flowers under the table. hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?' the magician was furious but, as it was the captain's parrot, he could do nothing. then one day the ship sank and the magician found himself floating on a piece of wood with the parrot.

they glared at each other but said nothing. finally, after a week, the parrot said: 'ok, i give up. where's the boat?'




Views : 209    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 9 Sep 2015
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DO YOU HAVE ANY CORN

a duck walks into a post office and asks the man behind the counter: 'do you have any corn?' the man answers politely: 'no, we don't have any corn here.' the next day, the duck enters again and asks: 'do you have any corn?' annoyed, the man answers: 'no! we don't have any corn.' this goes on for a couple of days until finally, when the duck asks 'do you have any corn?', the man gets so upset he yells: 'no! for the last time we don't have any corn, and if you ask again i'll nail your beak to the counter!' the next day, the duck
eturns and asks: 'do you have any nails?' the man answers: 'no.' then the duck asks: 'do you have any corn?'

Views : 200    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 9 Sep 2015
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RICH COUNTRY

in a closed circle of friends (middle aged group) someone mentioned about the secret of financial prosperity of a smelly country like japan.

the secret is that there is cottage industry in every home something or the other is being produced in every home. that makes the country rich.

Views : 227    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 9 Sep 2015
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SANTA SON and MATHS

santa to son: “maths vich fail kyu hoya”..??

son: 1st day teacher kendi
5+3=8..

agle din kendi
6+2=8..

fir kendi
4+4=8

ullu di pathi khud confusd hai menu ki padaeygi!!


Views : 253    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 9 Sep 2015
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SUICIDE

ek baar santa singh ne ek mendak se puchha ki ‘sardaro me dimag hota hai’?

mendak bola: nahin, aur paani mein kood gaya.

santa sardar pura din sochta raha isme suicide karne wali kya baat thi ?



Views : 213    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 9 Sep 2015
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SANTA STUDENT

sir: define energy ?

santa sardar: sir poora nahin aata hai, thoda last ka pata hai, bas.

sir: thik hai, koi baat nahin, jitna aata hai utna bolo.

santa: “and this is called energy……”




Views : 234    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 9 Sep 2015
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TWINS

a woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. one of them goes to a family in egypt and is named ‘amal.’ the other goes to a family in spain, they name him juan’. years later; juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of amal. her husband responds, ”but they are twins. if you’ve seen juan, you’ve seen amal.”

Views : 70    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 8 Sep 2015
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A TAXEN IN AUSTRALIA

a texan in australia

a texan farmer goes to australia for a vacation. there he meets an aussie farmer and gets talking. the aussie shows off his big wheat field and the texan says, 'oh! we have wheat fields that are at least twice as large.' then they walk around the ranch a little, and the aussie shows off his herd of cattle. the texan immediately says, 'we have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows.' the conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. he asks, 'and what are those?' the aussie replies with an incredulous look, 'don't you have any grasshoppers in texas?'

Views : 91    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 7 Sep 2015
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A NICE CATCH

the rain was pouring and there was a big puddle in front of the pub. a ragged old man was standing there with a rod and hanging a string into the puddle. a tipsy- ooking, curious gentleman came over to him and asked what he was doing. 'fishing,' the old man said simply.
'poor old fool,' the gentleman thought and he invited the ragged old man to a drink in the pub. as he felt he should start some conversation while they were sipping their whisky, the gentleman asked, 'and how many have you caught?'
'you're the eighth,' the old man answered.


Views : 127    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 7 Sep 2015
More Husband Wife Joke

IS THERE A WAR ?

two women neighbours are talking.
'mary, what's wrong with you? are you ill? i saw the doctor coming out of your house twice last week.'
'so what? i saw an officer coming out of your house five times last week but i'm not saying that a war has broken out.'

Views : 209    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 7 Sep 2015
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TRAIN ENGINE

santa ke lips jale hue the banta: kaise jale santa: wife ko railway station drop krne gaya tha. banta: to? santa: khushi ke mare. train ke engine ko choom liya.

Views : 263    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 7 Sep 2015
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CONFUSION

teacher : beta, tumhare sare answers galat hain… student : kamal karte ho sir ji, marks hi toh mang rhe, pyar se mang rahe de do warna do thapad marke bhi le sakte.. teacher : bathmez kahin ke !!! student : sir, batmezi se yaad aya apke pitaji kaise hain?? teacher : nikal ja class se.. student : sir, chupchap marks de do warna answer sheet me itne cheed kar denge ki confusion ho jaoge ki fail kahan likhe aur zero kahan!!!

Views : 263    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 7 Sep 2015
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WHAT PROBLEM?

patient : doctor, i have a serious memory problem. i can't remember anything!

doctor : so, since when did you have this problem ?

patient : what problem?

doctor is shock

Views : 96    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 3 Sep 2015
More Latest Joke

HE IS NOT MY FREIND

funny man to amli: your friend is kissing your wife in your home.

amli rushed home angrily.

after half an hour, he came back and slapped the funny man.

amli said: you fool, he is not my friend

Views : 70    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 3 Sep 2015
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GET RID OF WIFE

ramlal (shyamlal se) – “yaar mujhe meri biwi se chhutkara chaahiye ! mai tang aa gaya hoon … hamesha maili-kuchaili rahti hai, bekar sa khana pakati hai aur jab dekho tab jhagadti rahti hai !”

shyamlal – “kabhi usse pyaar-vyaar karte ho ?”

ramlal – “kaahe ka pyaar … maine to use 2 saal se chhua tak nahi !”

shyamlal – “phir to tumhara kaam aasaan hai … tu ek kaam kar … aaj jaakar usse khoob pyaar kar … aise ki jaise tu usse kabhi naaraaz thaa hee nahi ! dekhna, yeh dekhkar use hairaani se dil ka daura pad jaayega aur woh nipat jaaegi !”

ramlal ko apne dost kee baat jam gai. agali subah usne waisa hee kiya jaisa uske dost ne kahaa thaa.

shaam ko jab wah ghar pahuncha to usne dekha ki ghar ekdam saaf-suthra ho gaya hai, kitchen me se badhiya pakwaanon kee khushbu aa rahi hai aur uski wife badhiya make-up karke achchhe kapde pehan kar uske saamne paani ka glass lekar muskuraate huye khadi hai …

ramlal ne hairaani se yeh sab dekhte huye patni se bola – “yeh kya hua ?”

wife – “tum mere saath tarike se pesh aaoge to kya mai tumhare saath tarike se pesh nahi aaoongi !”


Views : 310    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 3 Sep 2015
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LIVE DEMO OF MARRIAGE LIFE

ek aadmi ne ek din apni biwi ko bataaye bina apne ek dost ko khane par ghar bula liya.

achanak aaye dost ko dekhte hee biwi ka para chadh gaya. usne pati ka haath pakda aur doosre kamre me le jaakar barasne lagi – “meri haalat dekho, na to maine dhang ke kapde pehne hain, na hee make-up kiya hai … aur khana banaane ka to aaj mera bilkul bhi mood nahi hai … main tumhari naukrani nahi hoon .. aakhir kya sochkar tumne apne dost ko yahaan bulaaya ? bolo ?”

pati – “kyonki jaanu, wo shaadi karne soch rahaa hai aur maine use shaadishuda zindagi ka ek live demo dene ka promise kiya tha !!”

Views : 254    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 3 Sep 2015
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ONLINE MARRIAGE

aajkal ham jis tarah online hote jaa rahe hain, hamaari baate, shubh kaamnayen online hoti jaa rahi hain, aisa lagta hai ki varsh 2050 me vivaah bhi kuchh is tarah sampann honge –

pandit – saare baaraati online aa jaayen, dulhe ko online bulaayen, dulhan ko bhi online le aaiye …

sabhi ke online aane par …

pandit – kya aap dono apna status ‘single’ se ‘married’ karne ko taiyaar hain ?

dulha-dulhan : haan ….

pandit – chaliye, sabhi group members flower smiley daaliye …

vivah sampann hua …

pandit – kalyaan ho ! ab dakshina swaroop mere mobile number par 6 maheene ka recharge karaane kee kripa karen !

Views : 247    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 3 Sep 2015
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NEW WIFE OF SANTA

santa kee nai-nai shaadi hui thee phir bhi use ghar jaane ki koi jaldi nahi hoti. woh der tak office mein hee baitha rahta.

one day boss asked – “wife se jhagda chal rahaa hai kya ?”

santa replied – “no no sir … aisee koi baat nahi ! baat ye hai ki meri wife bhi job karti hai isliye hum dono mein jo bhi pahle ghar pahunchta hai, khana use hi banaanaa padta hai !”

Views : 209    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 3 Sep 2015
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SANTA and HIS WIFE

santa – “maine 2 shaadiyan kee lekin dono hi baar meri kismat footi nikli … ”

banta – “woh kaise ?”

santa – “pahli wali mujhe chhodkar chali gai aur doosri wali mujhe chhodkar jaana nahi chahti … !”

Views : 222    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 3 Sep 2015
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WIFE and SHERNI

ek aadmi ek khatarnaak sherni khareed kar ghar le aaya.

padosiyon ne poochha – “bhaai ye sherni kyon le aaye ?”

aadmi ne udaas swar me bataaya – “last month meri wife gujar gai naa … toh ab uske bina ghar badaa soona-soona lagta hai mujhe … !”

Views : 232    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 3 Sep 2015
More Pappu Joke

WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL

the phone bill was exceptionally high. man called a family meeting to discuss.

dad: this is unacceptable. i don't use home phone, i use my work phone.

mum: me too. i hardly use home phone. i use my companies phone.

son: i use my office mobile, i never use the home phone.

all of them shocked and together looked at the maid who's patiently listening to them.

maid: what? so we all use our work phones. what's the big deal???

Views : 328    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 28 Aug 2015
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ALL IS FREE

manmohan singhji sabji kharidne gaye.
manmohan singhji: bhai sahab, ye bhindi kya bhaav hai?
sabjiwala: ab rulaoge kya? free mein le jao, pehli baar awaaz suni hai apki...

narendra modi sabji kharidne gaye.
narendra modi: bhai, ye bhindi kya bhaav hai?
sabjiwala: ab rulaoge kya??? muft mein le jao sir ji, jab se aap pm bane hain, uske baad pehli baar aapko india mein dekha hai!!!

rahul gandhi sabji kharidne gaya.
rahul gandhi: bhaiya, ye bhindi kya bhaav hai?
sabjiwala: ab rulaega kya pagle??? muft mein le ja aur ye bhindi nahin matar hain!!!

do you know ye sabjiwaala kaun tha?
ab tum log mil ke rulaoge kya?
arey yaar itna sab muft mein kejriwal ke ilawa kaun de sakta hai???

Views : 345    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 28 Aug 2015
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PAPPU and GRAND PA and MAA

pappu ke dada aur dadi ne apni jawani ke dino ko taaza karne ka socha. kaafi sochne ke baad unhone ye decide kiya ki vo phir se darya ke kinaray milenge, jaise puraane dinon mein chori-chupe mila karte the.

dada tayyar-shayyar ho kar, baal bana kar, kapdon mein scent laga ke, kaal bada waala chashma pehan ke, aur haath mein gulab lekar darya ke kinarey pahunch gaya aurr taza thandi hawaon mein intezar karn lage...

lekin bahut der intezar karne ke baad bhi unki girlfriend nahin aayi...

dada ko bahut gussa aaya. jab wo wapas ghar pahunche toh dekha ki dadi kursi per baithi muskura rahi thi.

dada, gusse se: tum aayi kyun nahi??? dadi sharmati huye: mummy ne ghar se bahar jane nahi diya.

Views : 307    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 28 Aug 2015
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ON THE HOUSE

ek baar santa restaurant mein jaata hai aur zor se bolta hai: mujhe ek bottle champagne chahiye aur baaki sab jo yahan baithe hain unko bhi champagne do..... kyunki jab mein champagne peeta hun toh main chahta hun ki sab champagne hi peeyein.

sab bade hairaan hote hain but saath mein khush bhi the kynki free ki champagne jo mil rahi thi.

drink ke baad santa phir chaillaya: mujhe ek tandoori chicken do aur baaki sab jo yahan baithe hain unko bhi tandoori chicken do..... kyunki main chahta hun jo main kha raha hun vo sab khaayein.

sab phir se bahut khush hote hai, taaliyaan bajate hain aur, seetiyaan maarte hain... chicken jo aane waala tha....

khaane ke baad santa phir se chaillaya: mujhe mera bill do aur yahan baithe baaki logon ko bhi unka bill do... kyunki mein chahta hun jaise main apna bill pay kar raha hun vaise hi sab apna apna bill pay karein...

Views : 276    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 28 Aug 2015
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DADAJI and HISTORY

pappu: dada ji aap kya kar rahe ho..?
dada ji: kitaab padh raha hoon....
pappu: kaun si kitaab...?
dada ji: history ki kitaab...
pappu: zara dehoon toh, ............ arey yeh toh kamasutra ki kitaab hai....
dada ji: haanh bacchey.... ab mere liye yeh sab history hi hua na.......

Views : 287    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 28 Aug 2015
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DOCTOR and SANTA

santa ke hip pe chot lag gayi. vo doctor ke paas jaa kar check karwaata hai.
doctor kehta hai: santa ji taanke lagaane padenge.
santa: ok, laga do.
doctor: aapka bill hua rs 5000.
santa: kya??? 5000???? o doctor saab, aapne taanke hi lagaye hain ya kashmiri kadhaai ki hai???

Views : 225    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 28 Aug 2015
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HOW MANY LEGES DOES AN ANT HAVE?

q: what are two things people never eat before breakfast?
a: lunch and supper.

q: what do tigers have that no other animals have?
a: baby tigers.

q: why is the number six afraid?
a: because seven eight nine (seven ate nine)

q: how many legs does an ant have?
a: two, the same as an uncle.

Views : 180    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 27 Aug 2015
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BEGGER TO SANTA

भिखारी संता से : साहब 10 रुपए दे दो. चाय पीनी है!

संता : चाय तो 5 की आती है!

भिखारी: गर्लफ्रेंड भी पिएगी.

सांता : भिखारी ने भी गर्लफ्रेंड बना ली !

भिखारी : नहीं साहब, गर्लफ्रेंड ने भिखारी बना दिया!

Views : 289    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 27 Aug 2015
More Husband Wife Joke

ARE YOU GOING AWAY?

husband apne hath mein ek lifafa leke aya aur biwi se bola.

husband: “begam, dekho aaj main tumhare liye kya laya hun?”

wife: “kyaa laye?”

husband: “kelay, kheeray, gaajar, touri aur mooli le kar aaya hoon”

wife: “kyun, aap kuchh din ke liye kahin bahar jaa rahe hain kyaa?“

Views : 232    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 26 Aug 2015
More Latest Joke

DAD and SON

dad: say daddy!
baby: mommy!
dad: come on, say daddy!
baby: mommy!
dad: f*ck you, say daddy!
baby: f*ck you, mommy!
mom: honey, i'm home!
baby: f*ck you!
mom: who taught you that?
baby: daddy!
dad: son of a b*tch.

Views : 70    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 25 Aug 2015
More Intellectual Joke

WHERE DO YOU LIVE?

police: where do u live?
me: with my parents
police: where does ur parents live?
me: with me
police: where do u all live?
me: together
police: where is ur house?
me: next to my neighbors house
police: where is your neighbors house?
me: if i tell you u wont believe me.
police: tell me
me: next to my house

Views : 232    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 25 Aug 2015
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DEPRESSED BANTA

santa! your daughter has died!
depressed, banta jumps from 100th floor.
at 50th floor he remembers i don't have a daughter!
at 25th floor he remembers i'm unmarried!
at 10th floor he remembers i'm banta not santa!

Views : 211    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 20 Aug 2015
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R U MARRY?

police: r u married?
santa: yes, with a woman.
police (angrily) : of course! did u even hear of anyone marrying a man?
sardar: yes, my sister did....!!!

Views : 198    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 20 Aug 2015
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STYLISH BREAKUP

stylish breakup

angry santa threw 6 cricket balls on his gf.

gf: “what the hell was that?”

santa: “its over”!


Views : 177    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 19 Aug 2015
More Latest Joke

KAREENA'S BABY

kareena ko ladka hua,
bilkul kaala.

saif ne kaha:
tu gori, main gora
ladka kaise kala…?

kareena replied:
tu hot, main hot …
jal gaya saala..!!




Views : 370    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 19 Aug 2015
More Intellectual Joke

JHONY JHONY YES PAPPA

johny jonhy yes papa – new version (heart touching poem)
whatsapp jokes 3 weeks ago

johny johny..
yes papa!

private job.
yes papa!

lot of tension..
yes papa!

too much work..
yes papa!

family life..
no papa!

bp-sugar..
high papa!

yearly bonus..
joke papa!

monthly pay..
low papa!

personal life..
lost papa!

weekly off!
ha ha ha!!



Views : 125    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 19 Aug 2015
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SONE KI CHEEJ

shadi ki raat sardar apni bv k liye gulab ka phool le kr aaya

bv:
mujhe ye nhi chahiye, koi sonay ki cheez do..

sardar:ye lo takiya aur so jao.



Views : 256    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 18 Aug 2015
More Intellectual Joke

LINE

teacher : kisi aise dravya ka naam batao jise jama nahi sakte.
student : garam paani !
teacher : kaun se mahine mein 28 din hote hai ?
student : sir, wo to har mahine mein hote hai !
teacher (gusse se) : ja, bahar jakar line mein sabse akhir mein khade ho ja...
.
thodi der bad..
.
teacher (gusse se) : tuje meine kaha tha n akhir mein khada ho ja... !
student : sir, par us jagah par pahele se hi koi khada hai... !

Views : 227    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 14 Aug 2015
More Husband Wife Joke

DUR BAGHYA HAMARA

husband wife mein jagda ho jata hai tab...
wife ; mein apne mayke chali jaugi.
husband : aho bhagya hamare !
wife : bad mein tumhe hairan karne wala koi nahi hoga.
husband : aho bhagya hamare !
wife : mein suicide kar lungi.
husband : aho bhagya hamare !
wife : bad mein muje yaad kar, anshu bahaoge.
husband : jaisa bhaggya hamara !
wife : jao, sabhi bato mein tumhara accha bhagya ho, to mein suicide nahi karti !
husband : dur bhagya hamare !

Views : 279    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 14 Aug 2015
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PRAN JAYE PAR VACHAN NA JAYE

once amitabhh bachchann and pran were travelling in a train and were engaged in a good gossip for the entire journey. a station came after hours and pran boarded off. mr. bachchan remained. a stranger co-passenger asked to mr. bachchan, “both of you seemed good friend, why didn’t you go away with him.” amitabh said, “pran jae per vachan na jae.”


Views : 381    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 13 Aug 2015
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MY WIFE SAW YOU

after robbing the bank, 1 robber to clerk : did you see me robbing?
clerk : yes i saw u.
robber killed him and asked to the next clerk : did u?
second clerk : no, but my wife saw u!

Views : 205    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 13 Aug 2015
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LION and SANTA

santa- ek bar mai bathroom gaya to vaha sher
aa gaya.
banta - phir kya hua.
santa- fir kya mene sher se kaha aap kar lo mera to ho gaya.

Views : 228    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 13 Aug 2015
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BMW- BAHUT MOTI WIFE

santa- muje shadi me bmw mili he.
banta- lekin bmw to bahut mahangi gadi he.
santa - abe gadhe gadi nahi bmw matlab
bahut moti wife mili he.
banta shocked.

Views : 694    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 13 Aug 2015
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FIGURE

ek murgi market gayi, aur dukaandar se boli, “ek anda dena.”
dukaandar bola, “sharm nahin aati, murgi hokar anda mangti ho.”
murgi boli, “mere pati ne kaha hai ki 3 rupyee ke ande ke liye
apna figure kharab mat karo.”

Views : 265    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 12 Aug 2015
More Rajinikanth Joke

RAJNI'S EMAIL ID

rajnikant creates new email id:
.
.
.
.
.
.
gmail@rajnikant .com
.
.
.
.
hackers dies......
virus cries.........
google shocks....
computer blocks....
rajnikant rocks..

Views : 379    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 11 Aug 2015
More Intellectual Joke

CHARACTER

teacher: agar apna character sudharna hai to sab auraton ko maa kaha karo.
student: madam is se mera character to theek rahega, par mere baap ka bigad jayega.

Views : 336    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 11 Aug 2015
More Husband Wife Joke

KASH AISA HOTA

wife : jaanu, kaash aap msg hote,
main aapko save karti, jab chahe padhti.
husband : kanjoos hee rahiyo,
save hi karke rakhiyo, apni kisi saheli ko forward na kariyo !!!

#
husband : kaash main ganpati hota. tum roz meri pooja karti, mujhe laddu khilati, bada mazaa aata.
wife : haan, kaash tum ganpati hote. roz tumko laddu khilati, har saal visarjan karti, naye ganpati aate, bada maza aata !!!

Views : 351    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 11 Aug 2015
More Husband Wife Joke

WIFE OF A SOFTWARE ENGINEERE

husband – hey dear, i am logged in.

wife – would you like to have some snacks?
husband – hard disk full.

wife – have you brought the saree.
husband – bad command or file name.

wife – but i told you about it in morning
husband – erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel.

wife – hae bhagwan !forget it where’s your salary.
husband – file in use, read only, try after some time.

wife – at least give me your credit card, i can do some shopping.
husband – sharing violation, access denied.

wife – i made a mistake in marrying you.
husband – data type mismatch.

wife – you are useless.
husband – by default.

wife – who was there with you in the car this morning?
husband – system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to reboot.

wife – what is the relation between you & your receptionist?
husband – the only user with write permission.

wife – what is my value in your life?
husband – unknown virus detected.

wife – do you love me or your computer?
husband – too many parameters..

wife – i will go to my dad’s house.
husband – program performed illegal operation, it will close.

wife – i will leave you forever.
husband – close all programs and log out for another user.

wife – it is worthless talking to you.
husband – shut down the computer.

wife – i am going
husband – its now safe to turn off your computer

Views : 166    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 11 Aug 2015
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KEY OF SUCCESS

teacher: behind every successful man there is a women
what do we learn from this?
student: we should stop wasting time in studies and find a woman

Views : 151    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 10 Aug 2015
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YOU ARE A FATHER NOW

santa ko uska sasur jute maar raha tha
aadmi : kyu maar rahe ho?
banta sasur : meinie ise hospital se sms kiya.
tum baap ban gaye ho. isne apne sare friends ko forward kar diya!

Views : 194    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 7 Aug 2015
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MEMORY CARD

santa : mujhe mobile me mp3 songs dalwane hai.
mobile shop wala : memory card hai kya?
santa : nahi memory card nahi hai, rasan card chalega?

Views : 198    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 7 Aug 2015
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BEGGER and SANTA

bhikari: kuch khane ko dedo.
santa - tamatar khao
bikari - roti dedo
santa - tamatar khao
bikari -l ao tamatar hi do
santa ki mumy - ye totla h,keh rha h,
kamakar khao.


Views : 182    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 6 Aug 2015
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TUMHARE PASS DIMAG HAI?

frog: tumhare paas dimaag nahin hai.
santa: hai.
frog: nahin hai.
santa: hai.
frog: nahin hai & jumps into the well.
santa: isme suicide karne waali kya baat thi.?

Views : 237    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 5 Aug 2015
More Latest Joke

FIND A WOMAN

teacher: behind every successful man there is a women
what do we learn from this?
student: we should stop wasting time in studies and find a woman

Views : 68    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 5 Aug 2015
More Intellectual Joke

FIGTING FOR A CHEWING GUM

a kid on his way 2 home with his mom
saw a couple kissing on the road,
he suddenly shouted & said:
look mom look, that boy and girl
are fighting for a chewing gum

Views : 183    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 5 Aug 2015
More Girls-Boys Joke

WHICH LAPTOP DO U HAVE?

girl: which laptop do u have..?

boy : i have a hp g-62 with intel core i3 processor 2.3 ghz,
windows 7, 64 bit..
2 gb ram & intel 1 gb graphics card..

and which laptop do u have..?

girl: pink colour …

Views : 284    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 4 Aug 2015
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BOY N GIRL

when a guy does something wrong…

girl : you broke my favorite lamp !!!
boy : it was an accident… i didn’t mean to..!!
girl : i can’t believe you did this.
boy : i’m sorry..

when a girl does something wrong…

boy : you lost my dog??!!!
girl : it was an accident… i didn’t mean to..!!
boy : i can’t believe you did this.
girl : i already feel bad about it..!! stop making me feel worse..!!
boy : i’m sorry.. !!

Views : 269    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 4 Aug 2015
More Intellectual Joke

THREE ANTS N ONE ELEPHANT

hree ants find an elephant asleep.
one says,”we’ll kill him!”
other one says,”we’ll break his legs!”
3rd one says:
“choro yaar bechara akela hai aur hum teen..!!”:-)

Views : 364    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 4 Aug 2015
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HOW TO ADMIT ONE IN METNAL HOSPITAL

a journalist to a doctor of a mental hospital:

“how do you determine whether to admit a patient or not?”

doctor: “well, we first fill a bathtub with water till the top. then give a teaspoon,

a glass & a bucket to the patient & ask him / her to empty the bathtub.”

journalist: “obviously a normal person would use a bucket because it’s bigger!”

doctor: “no you stupid, a normal person would pull the drain plug!

admit this idiot in ward no. 39

Views : 245    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 4 Aug 2015
More Latest Joke

Who am I?

a trainee in an mnc dialed the ceo by mistake & said:
hey, send a coffee to accounts dept. do it fast..
ceo: do u know with whom r u talking???
trainee: no!!!
ceo: i’m the ceo of this company…
trainee: do u know with whom r u talking???
confused ceo answers slowly: no…
trainee: thank god!!!
(disconnected the phone & said: all is well.. all is well.. all is well.

Views : 168    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 4 Aug 2015
More Pappu Joke

HOMEWORK and PAPPU

“pappu, where’s your homework?” miss martin said sternly to the little boy while holding out her hand.
“my dog ate it,” was his solemn response.
“pappu, i’ve been a teacher for eighteen years. do you really expect me to believe that?”
“it’s true, miss martin, i swear it is,” insisted johnny. “i had to smear it with honey, but i finally got him to eat it.”

Views : 236    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 4 Aug 2015
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COLD DRINK

ek budiya cinema hall me cold drink ki bottle leke baithi thi,
kabhi 15 mint me ghunt leti to kabhi 20 mint me,
pass bethe santa ko gussa aa gaya,
usne botal uthai aur puri ek ghut me pi gaya aur bola:-aise pi jata he cold drink.
budhiya boli:beta me to pan ki pichkari thuk rahi thi..!!@

Views : 220    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 30 Jul 2015
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BAJRANG

doctor:which soap u use?
santa: bajrang soap,bajrang paste,bajrang brush.
dr.is bajrang an international company?
santa: no bajrang is my room partner..

Views : 178    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 30 Jul 2015
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SCIENTIST & DOG

some scientists decided to do the following experiments on a dog.

for the first experiment, they cut one of the dog's legs off, then they told the dog to walk. the dog got up and walked, so they they learned that a dog could walk with just three legs.

for the second experiment, they cut off a second leg from the dog, then they told the dog once more to walk. the dog was still able to walk with only two legs.

for the third experiment, they cut off yet another leg from the dog and once more they told the dog to walk. however, the dog wasn't able to walk with only one leg.

as a result of these three experiments, the scientists wrote in their final report that the dog had lost it's hearing after having three legs cut off.

Views : 223    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 30 Jul 2015
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PAPPU & TEACHER

teacher: what is the name of the capital city of punjab ?

pappu: amritsar.

teacher: pappu, you are wrong, you need to focus more on your studies.

pappu: please madam, can i ask you a few questions.

teacher: yes, go ahead.

pappu: do you know jeeto ?

teacher: no.

pappu: do you know preeto ?

teacher: no.

pappu: do you know banto?

teacher: (angry) hell no! who are all these people and why do you ask ?

pappu: teacher, you need to focus more on your husband.

Views : 227    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 30 Jul 2015
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SATWAN JANAM



pati patni mandir main!
pati-tumne kya manga?
patni-ki aap aur main saat janam saath rahe.
patni-aur aapne.
pati-ye mera saatwa janam ho

Views : 243    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 29 Jul 2015
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SANTA IN CLASS

techr: tum late kyo aaye ho?
santa: mumy papa lad rhe the..
techr: wo lad rhe the to tum kyo late aaye?
santa=mera 1 juta maumy k pass or dusra papa k paas tha!..

Views : 180    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 29 Jul 2015
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MISER HUSBAND

wife : had ur lunch.?
husband : had ur lunch.?
wife : i m asking you
husband : i m asking you
wife : u copying me.?
husband : u copying me?
wife : lets go shopping
husband :yes i had my lunch

Views : 890    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 29 Jul 2015
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GERMS

teacher: what r the people of turkey called ?
student: i don’t know.
teacher: they r called turks, now what r the people of germany called ?
student: they r called germs

Views : 317    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 27 Jul 2015
More Latest Joke

BABY

a three-year old walks over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in a doctor’s surgery.

“why is your stomach so big ?” – he asks.
“i m having a baby.” – she replies.
“is the baby in your stomach ?” – he asks, with his big eyes.
“yes, it is.” – she says.

“is it a good baby ?” – he asks, with a puzzled look.
“oh, yes. a really good baby.” – the lady replies.

shocked and surprised, he asks: “then why did you eat him ?

Views : 85    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 22 Jul 2015
More Latest Joke

PLAY STORE

लड़का:- ‪„whatsapp‬ अपडे करलो..
लड़की:- कैसै करते है... ?
लड़का:- ‪„play_store‬ पे
जाओ न वहासे करलो
लड़की:- हमारे गांव
मैं नहीं है play store

Views : 367    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 22 Jul 2015
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HOMEWORK

teacher: pappu tumne aaj fir apna homework nahi kiya,,
bolo tumhe kya saza du ???

pappu: teacher wo mere bagal wali ladki ne bi nahi kiya,,,
hum dono ko bathroom m band kardo..
-

Views : 261    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 22 Jul 2015
More Latest Joke

YAMRAJ

ek aadmi apne aap me kehta hue ja raha tha ki aisi zindagi se toh maut aachi.
achanak yamraj aa gaya aur bola “tumhari jaan lene ka hukm hai”
aadmi : lo batao, aab insaan jokes bhi nahi kar sakta hai kya ?



Views : 228    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 22 Jul 2015
More Pappu Joke

ASSASSINATION

pappu 's father was teaching
the spelling of word “assassination”
to him.
.pappu says:
ek gadha(ass),
uspar ek aur gadha (ass)
jispar mein (i ),
aur mujh par sara desh(nation)



Views : 211    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 22 Jul 2015
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KHANA

meri lovely gf ke shadi ka card mila bahut bura laga yaar,
baad me soocha, shadi me jauga jarur
kyko love apne jagah hai aur
lazedar puri-sabji, pulao apni jahah



Views : 223    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 22 Jul 2015
More Latest Joke

BREAKUP

she- meri sis ne aaj saare paranthe
jala diye..
.
.
me- haan waise bhi wo bohot hot
hai !
*breakup *

Views : 204    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 22 Jul 2015
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SCHOOL

बबलू -तू स्कूल क्यों नही जाता
पप्पू- कई बार गया अंकल वो वापिस भगा देते है
बबलू -क्यों पप्पू- कहते है भाग तेरा क्या काम लड़कियों के स्कूल में -

Views : 205    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 22 Jul 2015
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FACEBOOK

kismat azma chuka hu naseeb azma raha
hu
.
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.
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.
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.
.
ek ladki patane ke khatir facebook ka page
chala raha hu ....

Views : 187    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 22 Jul 2015
More Pappu Joke

FULL HD

अध्यापक : internet पे जो अश्लीलता है आप
उसे किस तरह से देखते हैं.. ?...
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.
.
.
.
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.
.
.
.छात्र : जी full hd में....

Views : 215    |    Comments : 0    |    Post Comment Joke Posted on : 22 Jul 2015

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